General United Communications Announces Acquisition of Fierce Nut
Please Contact Konrad McKook at General United communications for your questions and Fierce Nut related correspondence.
Missing person comes forward with surprising Kickstarter project proposal
This is unbelievable! Ned Fairmont has come out with an open invitation to participate in a kickstarter project to help me.
Get involved by submitting your thoughts and reactions by photo, video, audio or otherwise.
(disguises are understandable in most cases)
Thanksgiving Deadline 11/24/11 {Please !}
a desperate thank you from the fugitive fringe
Video Transcription:
Friends- Agents from the Corporation for Consumer Coercion are
dangerously close to cracking me. Unfortunately I must disguise
my voice. Perhaps it is only vanity. They have to know my location
by now.
Sometimes I smell the rancid breath of a dragon that hungers to feed
upon my dream of personal liberty- my dream of becoming an independent
idea. To the agents and their monster I must seem to be a play thing,
a toy in a world awash with the banal carnage of sameness. This sameness
seems to be inescapable at times and my dream becomes a nightmare- while
at the mercy of the monster I can do nothing more than beg for
the means to sustain my wretched fugitive life. Will the reward for all
my struggle be only to become a monster myself?
If not for friends it would be so. Thank you friends for all you do.
Yuk Foo! Mr. Yuk will never do…
The whole Craig listing thing has left a very bad taste in my mouth. First of all it’s a volunteer position. Secondly it’s not a good fit because I actually am much more of a yummy than a yucky (despite what you might have heard from the ad agency). Thirdly it’s not a good fit because of this stipulation- “You need to be between 5’7″ and 5’9″ and of normal weight for height. ” Fierce Nut knows that any worthwhile mascot is larger than life and not of normal weight for height. If a Mr. Yum job comes up AND IT PAYS I will seriously consider offering my services.
For now I remain Fierce Nut a maverick mascot, a soldier of misfortune and a sole nut for profit organization.
Thank you but no thank you all the same to Craig and his list.
From the list:
Date: 2011-10-18, 3:26PM
Mascot Volunteers Needed
The Washington Poison Center is seeking a pool of individuals to serve as our Mascot — Mr. Yuk at various community events. Events normally run between 2 to 4 hours and are often scheduled during the day and on weekends. These are volunteer on-call positions as needed.
To see pictures of Mr. Yuk at various events please visit our facebook page at www.facebook.com/MrYukWA.
Lost Mascot Occupies Seattle Demonstration by Mistake
Never Tested
Perhaps I’m the result of a test gone wrong but for the record I am not a Pro Tester. I have no experience testing anything- let alone doing it at the professional level. I was on my way to Nordstrom to see about getting hired on as their new mascot. The Pro Testers were nearby and I ended up getting mixed up. I’m not sure what they were testing but they had a lot to say. As my mascot career isn’t going so well I’m considering a career change and may explore pro testing in the future. But really, I was trying to get downtown to Nordstrom.
Now I know that Nordstrom is not in the snack foods business but I was hoping at least one of their many fine departments would be interested in a nut of my caliber. After all it is plain as day that I’m not just any old nut- I’m obviously a very exceptional nut. Perhaps it is vanity but I like to think that as nuts go I’m head and shoulders above the crowd. Alas, I am not surprised to learn that Nordstrom has no current openings for a mascot representative or even a new mannequin. The very kind lady at the service desk said that if I applied for a position online that they would keep my resume on file. If any mascot openings come up in the future they will have all of my information and consider contacting me. Frankly at this point I’m willing to expand my skill set to include modeling and possibly even mannequin work. Mannequin work worries me- I’m not sure that I’d be able to keep still for more than a few minutes. I have too many itches. Pro Testers get to march around; I think I might look into that more closely.
Mascot doesn’t make the team struggles with the Blues.
A mascot without energy, without verve is unlikely to inspire good feeling much less good luck. A mascot who allows himself a moment of self pity risks the demoralization of an entire group of loyal sports fans, consumers, club members etc… Perhaps this flaw- an occasional indulgent moment of self pity has determined my current situation.
But an unaffiliated mascot (such as I am), a mascot without a cause is also a liberated mascot! It is not my responsibility to cheer up a crowd of discouraged sports fans who have seen their team throw it all away one too many times. It is not my job to sell a second or third rate consumer product. I’m not beholden to any association. Still at times it is a lonely existence and I must admit my disappointment. It’s not as though I haven’t been trying to team up, trying to get a job- trying to cheer up the troupes and groups. Most of my precious living hours have been spent in the pursuit of a suitable affiliation. I’d expected so much more. A mascot without a cause is not a hopeless case- Fierce Nut will remain vigilant in this search!
After countless efforts and unsolicited auditions aimed at impressing a corporation or restaurant chain it has become increasingly clear to me that if I am to survive I must adjust my strategy. I must try something else. It has come to my attention that a number of very popular rock and musical groups employ mascots. I am not made of heavy metal but my shell is strong. I am practicing my chops.
A New Spin On Old Pasta: Fierce Nut & Re-manufactured Spaghetti ?!?
Dear Old Spaghetti Factory,
Just what is actually going on back there behind closed doors? Honestly, be straight with me- shouldn’t you be called the Re-manufactured Spaghetti Company? Most everyone knows that these days the new spaghetti can be made for much less overseas. I have to hand it to you though- you fill up that parking lot every weekend. And you must save a lot on garbage disposal by keeping all the old stuff.
This confuses me. How old is your spaghetti? Does the aging process improve your spaghetti somehow? Listen- I am just a poor out of work mascot that is half starving half the time. I will eat just about anything but even I pick through the leftovers for something more appealing than old spaghetti. Truth be told, I’d rather open a brand new can of SpaghettiOs before eating the old spaghetti. How long do you let your spaghetti age before it meets your “old” standards anyway? I’ve heard you make old lasagna also? And your tortellini is probably just ancient isn’t it? At least your salad is probably fresh…right? I hope so.
Anyway like I mentioned earlier I am an out of work mascot and am currently looking to partner with a financially strong restaurant chain. You’ll probably want to see some head shots or something. I’m having some new ones done up soon but until I get the money to have them done right you can take a look at some of my old pictures on my old website (my new website will have my new head shots!) I’m a bit older now then I was when these pictures were taken but I’ve still got that old charm. I’ve even been thinking about changing my Fierce Nut moniker to Ol’ Fierce Nut. Would you like that?
I’ll be in your neighborhood this week. When would you like me to stop by for an audition? You might like to know that I’ve got some really excellent catch phrases and slogans memorized already- “C’mon down to the Old Spaghetti Factory and hang out with Good Ol’ Fierce Nut!” and “There’s nothing good Ol’ Fierce Nut likes better than a big Ol’ bowl of old spaghetti!” I could even carry old breadsticks around to people at their tables while I say my lines! Just imagine having a live mascot bringing old breadsticks to your table saying “There’s nothing like an old breadstick to stir up your old spaghetti!”
Looking forward to meeting all the Old Spaghetti people!
Fierce Nut
My address to the “King”
The King is dethroned in latest round of downsizing
Dear King,
You’ve had a long reign. Now they’ve taken you’re crown. I’m still not getting much work myself but I’ve got a little something started under the bridge on the corner of 4th and Lander (Seattle) . There is a McDonald’s about a block away, lot’s of traffic. I could use some help, my cardboard sign is worn and my act is getting old. I know you are a big deal and I’m just a nut but I’ve got some good ideas. Let’s do lunch.
With All Due Respect,
Fierce Nut: Diplomascot at Large
Out of hundreds of advertising and mascot ideas it had come down to just two of us. I was certain that I would win. The other concept had no personality, no character. The other was nothing but a run of the mill glad handed too sunny to believe- “Look at us, Look at us! We are one more company that cares.” kind of message. Guess who won? I’d lost my job before I even started but I continue to exist in this world- a lone nut in search of my purpose.
I will survive in the deep digital underground as Fierce Nut- Rebel Mascot without a Cause. But given my current circumstances that can easily be amended to readFierce Nut- Mascot at Large or even Fierce Nut- Mascot, Your Name Here. Or possibly even something else, provided that your checkbook is in good working order. In case you should wonder it’s nearly impossible for a rejected mascot to sell out. That said, please understand that I am available for lease at very competitive rates.
The Gecko insurance salesman, the monocle wearing Mr. Peanut, The Tire Man, The Jolly Giant of a Greenish Hue, The Coffee Mermaid, The Hamburger Clown, The King of Burgers * , the other Hamburger Guy that Pops Out of a Box, the Cheese Loving Cheetah, – all of them are still getting much more work than they can possibly handle and they are still bringing in the big money. They have entered the all time commercial hall of fame. But my big launch fizzled out almost before my fuse was lit, I’ve been passed over in favor of a bland uninspired piece of cliché banality that does nothing but add to the noise and visual pollution of our media saturated world. How am I going to survive now? I have no choice. I can lay down and accept my demise at the teeth of big media’s corporate shredder or I can break out on my own. But I am not the least bit bitter or anything; I am a professional Diplomascot.
If you have a challenge, if no one else can help and if you can find me then maybe you can hire Fierce Nut.
Fierce Nut Launches Long Awaited Print Thing Resembling Book.
Fierce Nut Publication Soon to Be Found Inside Recycling Bins and On Thrift Store Bookshelves Throughout North America.
Seattle, WA, March 14, 2011:
Fierce Nut unleashes an unprecedented work that is sure to gobsmack the literary intelligentsia right smack on their gobs. How deftly Fierce Nut has woven this work into a semi comprehensible multi page piece resembling what some would call a book (for the sake of convention). Notwithstanding the fact that the author is indeed a bona fid nutcase this work has no precedence in the history of what books are meant to be. Gobddamnit it’s good!
Fierce Nut Total Domination Inc- Press Release PDF.
